Already Gone
by TheGirlWithFarTooManyIdeas
Summary: Oneshot series. Harry Potter's life was a circle of tragedy and loss. What if, some times, the pain was too much, and he decided to give up? Or, the various points where Harry Potter lost his mind. Rated for suicide, self harm, depression and violent lunacy at some points.
1. Chapter 1

**Already Gone**

**Wanda: Welcome to my incredibly depressing oneshot series, everybody! This is where I take my more morbid thoughts about Harry Potter and go nuts, because they're too different from my current story to fit in somewhere. If you like being incredibly depressed, you're in the right place. I don't own Harry Potter.**

**The Bridge**

**Surrey, 1998**

A bridge above a rushing river, in London. A young boy walks across it, stopping in the middle to stare out across the water. Normal, one would think.

The back of his shirt is bloody. Not so normal.

The boy lets out a pitiful whimper, crumpling against the railings. His back was burning. He had been ganged up on; six kids twice his size had beaten him bloody. When he had returned home, his aunt had shrieked and slammed the door in his face.

The boy's name was Harry Potter. He was ten years old, and he was a freak.

_Freak_.

It was shouted in his face, whispered behind his back.

_Useless, stupid, ungrateful brat._

Everyone knew it. His aunt and uncle had made sure of it.

_No one wants you. You should have died with your parents._

_A burden. _

_Garbage that had to be kept._

Harry whimpers again, and then looks down at the river. The water is dark and probably cold; though spring was coming on the river never really grew warm. It looks very far away from where he's sitting. It looked soft to land on, but the teachers at school insisted that falling on it would be like falling on concrete.

Harry pushes himself to his feet and looks up and down the bridge. There was a storm warning on the telly, so everyone seemed to be staying indoors. He was alone.

He was always alone.

_We don't want you! Nobody would ever want you!_

No one had ever loved him. Strange things happened around him, things that caused people to get hurt. His aunt said so. She hated him for it, because he put his cousin Dudley in danger.

The blood caking the back of Harry's oversized shirt would beg to differ, but the Dursley family were never the most objective people. Especially when it came to the Potters.

Harry stared down at the water.

_You should have died with your parents, ungrateful freak..._

_Worthless..._

_Unwanted..._

Harry stepped up onto the railing. Tears dripped down his cheeks.

One of his earliest memories was a flash of green light and his mother whispering to him. He treasured those memories because of what he heard. "Mommy loves you. Daddy loves you."

Harry wished, more then once, that he could stay that way forever. That he could be like sleeping beauty and stay in an eternal slumber, wrapped in his mother's embrace.

His mother and father were sleeping...and they were the only ones who loved him...no one wanted him around here...

He was a freak...he didn't belong...

So it was time to go...

Harry took a deep breath and jumped.

**Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry**

In a faraway office, one that Harry would never step foot in now, several silver instruments screamed and smoked. An old man rushed over to them, half-moon glasses askew and panic in his eyes. A moment later, the silver tools shattered.

Albus Dumbledore stared, stuck silent in a moment of shock and horror. A minute later, he was rushing over to the floo and transporting himself to Little Whining.

He went to House Number 4 with a speed that belied his age and pounded on the door. A moment later, Petunia Dursley answered the door and yelped when she saw him.

"Where's Harry?" Dumbledore demanded without preamble.

"W-What?"

"WHERE'S YOUR NEPHEW!?"

"I-I don't know!" Petunia sputtered, still sounding angry as though she was the wronged one being intruded upon. "The little brat didn't come home from school today."

Wordlessly, Dumbledore stared at her for a minute before leaving. He called the Aurors.

The search went on for several days, but there was no sign of the little raven-haired boy who lived. Until one day a young auror walked down by the river and found a heartbreakingly small body lying motionless among the rocks.

They were too late.

**The Ministry**

Despite Dumbledore's best attempts to keep it under wraps, the news of Harry Potter's death rocked the entire wizarding world. It didn't take long for a response to form.

What happened next was a tribute of rage and years of mistrust towards muggles. Several witches and wizards formed a mob and went after the Dursleys.

They were eventually stopped, but not until after a fate beyond words had been set upon the muggles who had driven their savior to kill himself.

Far away in Albania, a wraith was laughing madly. He had already won.

His opponent was already gone.

**End Chapter**

**...You know, Dumbledore knowingly leaving Harry with the Dursleys without making sure they would treat him well should have had way worse consequences then it did. So after that, Voldemort gets his body back, takes over Wizarding Britain after killing Dumbledore and is eventually destroyed when he invades the muggle world and they hit him and his minions with a nuke. All because Dumbledore couldn't take care of a little boy.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Already Gone**

**Wanda: I have another short one shot regarding the Order of the Phoenix. This takes place just after Harry finds out that Dumbledore thinks that Voldemort can possess him. Naturally, not filling Harry in on the details should have had worse results - and this time, it does. I do not own Harry Potter.**

**Grimmauld Place, 1996**

Voldemort was possessing him.

Suddenly everything made sense. Dumbledore was avoiding him because he feared assassination through his body. The dream of Arthur being attacked, he saw it because it was by Voldemort's hand...or perhaps he had been forcefully placed in the body of the snake itself, forced to attack his best mate's father.

Harry's head was spinning as he numbly sat up and went straight to his room and sat down on his bed staring at the wall. His mind was moving a million miles an hour.

At least, right now, he seemed to be in charge of his own body. That brought him a little relief, but it was immediately followed by poison-certainty that Voldemort would try again.

And here he was...inside the Order of the Phoenix headquarters. He was near his godfather, who had fought the Death Eaters ever since he was in school. He was here with Hermione, a muggleborn marked for destruction should the noseless freak succeed. He was here with Ginny, who had barely escaped Voldemort once, who probably resented that and would love to finish her off...for god's sake, now Voldemort knew exactly where the Order was housed and everything they planned to do, because he could see it through his eyes!

Harry buried his face in his hands, trying to strangle the panic growing in his throat.

He had to leave. He had to get out of here before Voldemort used him to hurt anyone he cared about. He would hide somewhere until he could go back to Hogwarts.

But wait. Even there, Voldemort could possess him – hadn't he gotten the dream about the snake attack inside the boy's dormitory? Neville, Dean, Seamus, they didn't deserve to be strangled or murdered in the middle of the night. He couldn't go back to Hogwarts.

One last option occurred to him...he could run and go back to the Dursleys. Dumbledore had always droned on about how that place kept him safe from Voldemort. Maybe there was some magic that prevented his influence from going through the walls...

But would that even work? _He _could use magic inside – the Marge incident had proved that much. He could still hurt them. Even kill them. And even after every sort of mistreatment Vernon, Petunia and Dudley had made him experience, Harry didn't wish death upon them. Certainly not at the hands of the most notorious muggle hater in centuries.

Then...

Then there was only one option left.

Strangely enough, coming to that realization actually made Harry calmer. Quickly, silently, he put a plan together in his head; he would sneak a knife away during dinner. Once everyone was asleep, he would sneak out of the house.

He didn't want Sirius or Mrs Weasley or Ginny to be the ones to find his body. He loved them and didn't want them to see this. He was doing this _for _them. At least, now, Voldemort wouldn't touch them anymore.

Not with him gone.

Harry let out a choked sob. He didn't want to die. He really didn't; he would rather live and live happily with his friends and godfather much further into the future.

But he couldn't see any other way to stop what Voldemort was doing, how he could possibly protect them from the monster inside him. More than anything, Harry wanted to keep them safe, even with his last breath.

*****Later that day******

Harry struggled to keep his resolve over dinner.

He told Sirius how much he loved him, reaffirmed his friendship with the Weasleys and Hermione. He thanked Tonks and Remus for helping him the way they had. He would miss them; all of them. It kept tempting him to stop what he was doing, to stay and risk Voldemort's possession to be with them.

But he couldn't be selfish. Not now, not when it came to them. They all deserved much better than this. They deserved to live happy and safe.

So once the sun had fallen, Harry marshalled all his remaining strength and tiptoed out of the house.

One of the portraits tried to talk to him – said something about Dumbledore fixing everything. Harry ignored him and stepped out the door. Dumbledore couldn't fix this.

He had to hurry. The portrait would likely wake the house.

Harry started running.

Sure enough, he heard some yelling in the distance as he passed the first few blocks. Harry burst out into the city and risked a glance over his shoulder.

Kingsley, Moody, and Mundungus were all chasing after him. Moody's wand arm was raised. Panic burst in Harry; he couldn't go back.

He had to do it now.

So Harry ran out into heavy traffic.

The last thing he saw before slipping away was the blazing white headlights of a bus.

**End Chapter**

**Title's a bit misleading, I know, but I realized that if Dumbledore had portraits watching the house, one of them would have noticed Harry leaving with the knife. **

**Review please!**


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